Say Ahhhhhh

I went to the dentist yesterday. It was just for a regular 6-month cleaning and check up. I know, the dentist, not very exciting to read about. But whatever, it happened and I am blogging about it.

It started out like any other dentist appointment. I walked in , was greeted by the receptionist and went to take my seat in the waiting room. I heard my name be called and looked up to see a dental hygenist, but not my dental hygenest. I always have the same one. Ah well, such is life. So I head back to the room. She seats me and goes over my chart, asking the normal questions: Any problems, any new medications, etc. Then she asks me if I know when the last time was I had a full mouth x-ray. Hmmmm, no, I dont. She tells me this is something I should have done every 5 years. As she goes back thru my chart (to 1980), she finds I have never had it done. Now I am off to have a full mouth x-ray.

Out in the hallway, she shows me the craziest machine I have ever seen. I am to stand on a small platform, bite down on something that resembles a bendy straw, and hold perfectly still while this machine circles my head. After doing all this perfectly, I return to the chair for my cleaning. She shows me my x-rays and I exclaim, "Holy crap! I look like a horse!". My hygenist laughed nervously, not at all sure what to say to me.

She proceeds to scrape my teeth with that pointy thing. I notice right away she is not near as gental as my normal hygenist. I know this for two reasons: 1-I can taste blood in my mouth, 2-tears are springing to my eyes uncontrolably. As I try not to cry, I focus on the biggest problem I have when I go to the dentist. I would say I have a normal amount of saliva. I dont drool on myself or spit when I talk. However, as soon as my butt touches that dentist chair, I am slobbering like a deranged fool. Why does this happen? When she takes her fingers out of my mouth, there is a large string of my slobber stretching from her glove to my mouth. I giggle and sound even more deranged since its hard to giggle with my mouth wide open.

Next is the polishing of my teeth. I am not at all sure what flavor of polish she used. I am guessing it was a cross between dog poop and some sort of rotten fruit. I tried so hard not to scrunch up my face and gag. I only gagged once. It was the most foul tasting stuff! And the little bit of rinsing she allowed did nothing to remove the taste. I was using the spit-sucker thing like a mad woman, trying to get the polish out of my mouth. I managed to suck my tongue up in the tiny vacuum hose a few times.

Finally the polishing is done. Thank goodness. The dentist walks in and gives my mouth a once-over. He gives me a good report and tells me to floss. Yes, I know, you always tell me to floss. And I always tell you I forget to. I tell him thank you and I am off armed with a new toothbrush, a sample tube of toothpaste, and a lingering taste of dog poop and rotten fruit in my mouth. See ya in 6 months.